Crazy: Best When Shared Between Friends

My Bestie and I work at the same company and completely take advantage of the company IM system to keep ourselves sane during the day.  We pretty much chat on and off all day about anything and everything and most of the time this leads to fits of laughter that make my coworkers around me wonder if I've been spiking my slushies (don't think this hasn't crossed my mind. I mean, when you put a few slushy machines in an office, you're just asking for it.)  Below is a conversation we had last week.

My Bestie called me laughing about this chubster of a squirrel that had turned taken up residency on their front porch since pumpkins seemed to be his favorite meal.  Twice already, she'd gone outside to clean off her porch to clean up the confetti that he'd turned a couple of their Halloween pumpkins into...but it didn't matter, he kept coming back for more.  Apparently, he was dead set on eating ALL of their pumpkins.

The following is the IM conversation just after lunchtime of that very same day...While reading this, I also think it's important for you to know that her family lives in a condo and they have the most batshit crazy neighbors ever.

Bestie:  Remember we had this big fat squirrel that was eating our pumpkins?

Me:  You were telling me about the little chunker. Is he back again???

Bestie:  He just had a heart attack and died. I'M NOT KIDDING.  He just croaked in front of our house.

Me:  OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!

Bestie:  He died from overeating. It's a sign.

Me: NO FREAKING WAY!

Bestie: I'm not kidding. Hubby saw him when he came in the house. He was eating the pumpkins then he ran into the street right in front here and flopped over.  Hubby's like, "Is he sleeping?"  So he went over to him and he was all stiff and didn't move.

Me:  lmao - he plays dead?  Awwww...that's horrible!

Bestie: Hubby just flung him into the woods with a stick so the kids don't have to watch it.

Me: OMG - it's horrifying but I can't stop laughing for some reason.

Bestie:  I know, Hubby and I were laughing. I feel bad for the little thing though.

Me: No kidding.

Bestie:  But it is kind of funny like in a sick way.

Later the same day...

Me:  I just sent you a pretty interesting link.

Bestie: I saw. I haven't read it yet though.

Me: Of course...cause I then immediately had to IM you. lol

Bestie: Holy phone numbers. Look at your sig line.

Me:  No freaking crap.  They make us have all that crap on it.

Me: I want junk food.

Bestie: Think of the squirrel.

Me:  LMAO OMG!

Bestie:  My poor dear friend died of gluttony (the squirrel).  God just told me to go on a diet.

Me: Awww...he needs a name.  Maybe Pumpkin?

Bestie: Ok. Awwwwww. That's perfect.

Me: No, nevermind. I call both Meadow and your kids that. 

Bestie: Ok. Hmmmmm.

Me: Lol...it is perfect though. Maybe we should use it.

Bestie: I took pictures of him this morning.

Me: You did?! lol

Bestie: Yeah cause I thought he was funny. We can have a memorial.

Me: OMG! lmao. Awwwwwww.

Bestie: This was before he fell over.

Me: Of course.

Bestie: I'm going to make a cross and put his pic on it and put it outside. Give the neighbors something to talk about.

Me: ARE YOU FOR REAL? omg. I'm dying over here. lol.

Bestie: lmao. No, I'm laughing.

Me: Could you imagine?

Bestie: Then I could be the crazy squirrel lady.

Me: lmao.

Bestie: They can tell stories about us when we're gone.

Me: You could even start a neighborhood organization for the overeater animals.

Bestie: To the new owners, "Yeah, that lady was crazy, she made a shrine for a dead squirrel."  No kidding.

Me: LMAO

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Currently Listening To:

Time to Pretend by MGMT